Despite the paraphrased headline, this isn't part of Warning Signs' "Planet of the Apes" week. Sorry.
Right now, I'm cleaning the house. As my wife said before she went to work, "So we won't have to clean on our day off." (For anyone keeping score, she cleaned the kitchen counters, loaded and started the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, and made a wonderful lunch before she left for work. I worked in the morning, so that's why I'm doing my part of the chores now.)
I wouldn't call my wife a neat freak, but she likes things clean. I wouldn't call me a neat freak, either, but for pretty much the opposite reason. I'm better now, but if I had my druthers, house cleaning would be done only when the dirt starts to move on its own.
In other words, I'm no Howard Hughes or Upson Pratt. Who is Upson Pratt, you ask?
Pratt, played by E.G. Marshall, is the main character in "They're Creeping Up On You!" which is the final story in Stephen King's and George A. Romero's anthology "Creepshow." Pratt seals himself in his apartment but is eventually taken over by cockroaches. If ever there was a neat freak, it's Pratt.
Before I get back to my chores, I'd like you to know that "The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill," possibly the worst segment in the film, is my favorite. King himself plays the tortured Verrill. He plays the simpleton a little too well. He also looks totally whacked out. "Creepshow" was released in 1982, well before King gave up the sauce. It wouldn't surprise me if the bottle of Popov Vodka Verrill takes a swig from to ease his pain had real vodka in it.
But I love the segment anyway. It's dark and dirty, pretty much the opposite of "They're Creeping Up On You!" Good times.
That's all for now. Back to work.