Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Creepy by association 5: lullabyes

Maybe it's the songs themselves, the simplicity of the melodies, that make lullabyes creepy as all get out. Or maybe it's the voices of children singing the songs that make lullabyes sound a bit twisted.

Whatever it is, lullabyes aren't right.

The worst part is that I just listened to three different songs and after a 4 a.m. shift, I am nearly dead to the world.

When I hear songs such as the example above, I always picture a miniature Elmer Fudd. The kids who sing these songs usually have some kind of lisp. I hear that makes them sound endearing; I think it makes them sound special. I feel bad for children who have been forced to sing, often in public, at a time when they haven't even mastered speaking. I'm not mad at the kid; I'm mad at the parents.

I appreciate the parents of all those "Village of the Damned" kids and the parents of Miko Hughes for letting him be in "Pet Sematary."

(Sadly, I realize Hughes as Gage Creed doesn't really appear in the above trailer, but you know what I mean.)

Small children who seem to be older than their years or have extra large heads or know words other kids don't ... OK, let's back up.

Children are scary. I don't have any yet, but when my wife and I finally take that step in our marriage, we'll probably have the scariest-looking kid ever. She has amazingly beautiful, dark curly hair. I, according to some people, am a soulless ginger. (Nov. 20 is "Kick a Ginger Day." If you try to kick me, we're going to have a problem.)

Maybe we'll have a child with straight, dark hair. Otherwise...

The horror, the horror....

And now I need a nap. Maybe I can find a good lullaby.

1 comment:

  1. I give Carrot Top kudos for bodybuilding, but he did some weird stuff along with it and, well, it's not good. A bad facelift (?) tops it off...